As I look back, I have been fighting a slump lately. A lot of things haven't swung in my favor like I thought they would. From dealing with the almost never-ending college process (acceptances, denials, waiting anxiously for financial aid letters), to trying to finish out high school strong, dealing with my family life at the moment all the way to just dealing with personal issues. It seems I've been in a boxing match for a month, taking constant jabs, ducking and dodging, throwing counter-punches every now and then. It's starting to wear on me. That's not normal either, because usually I shake 500lb gorillas off my back like loose dirt, but this one has been hanging on longer than I wanted to do. Probably be the actual reason my back is actually in pain, this shit isn't fun.
With there being so much uncertainty around me, mostly a big change occurring at home, it has caused me to not be me lately. I feel I haven't been natural and thoughts have started to take place of actions. OH NOOOOOOOOO! I'm contradicting myself. As I described in one of my earlier blogs "Just Do It" (check my archives), I'm a doer. Being inactive and idle is not me. But I've found myself exactly that way for a while. The stress is immense. I've had more headaches, late nights, inflicted with illness and day naps this year than I've had the past two years combined.
For so long I've thought that there was nothing that could possibly get me down. I forgot I was human. This is coming from the guy who still daydreams about being CF or SS for the Seattle Mariners (Ken Griffey, Jr. and Alex Rodriguez were my favorite baseball players growing up). I haven't played baseball since grammar school. Yeah, I'm pretty unrealistic. How could I ever think I was immune to being stressed out, overthinking, grief and disappointment? I think that I am so strong mentally that I can withstand anything, but things like come about and I'm having a hard time shaking it. I'm a strong optimist, but lately it seems I have been forcing myself to smile and exude happiness even when it isn't the case. And truthfully, it makes me feel even worse sometimes. Putting on a false act to hide how I truly am feeling inside is torturing myself. But I've always held my feelings in or not shown them. I don't like to show any weakness or let anyone know I'm down. My motto has always been to move forward and whatever that's behind me is supposed to stay there. But in this instance, I've been getting beat.
One thing that has stayed true to myself is my ability to keep my head up and adjust. I don't think there are many people who are as good at adjusting to a situation than me. I never stay down for two long, that's what power optimism, lots of experience, and intrinsic motivation comes into play. While I've spent so much time talking about how down I've been, I've actually been doing a good job keeping my vibes and mood pleasurable. To combat my slump, I've gotten out my house more, started being more active (lots of basketball and soccer), watching sports highlights, playing my Xbox (haven't touched my Xbox in almost a year), I cook breakfast every morning, listen to music that not matches my mood but lifts it. Also, as eerie as this sounds, what helped me the most wasn't venting or getting out and occupying myself, but watching childhood cartoons. I've watched so much Winnie the Pooh, DragonBall Z, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, etc. It put me back in touch with my younger self, when I had no worries and was ignorant of many of the issues I face daily. It made me think about how this was my daily life, idolizing fictional characters and fiending for memorabilia to bring myself closer to them. I had every Winnie the Pooh VHS as a child and I watched them over and over and over. As I indulged into my childhood, I noticed that a lot of my problems were feeling less drastic. It felt like a cleansing, an exorcism. And it was exactly what I needed. My smiles and happiness don't feel forced anymore, they're true to how I'm feeling. And it feels good. I'm your goofy neighborhood friend Joshua Jondale Wilks again. *shoulder leans*
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not completely rid of what I'm going through at the moment, I just found a healthy equilibrium to where I can live without my problems affecting what I want to accomplish. My mind has developed a stronger mental block for anything that isn't positive. Everything that should be forgotten, is forgotten. I now longer feel weighed down by anxiety, uncertainty or misfortune. I understand fully now that it's nothing to feel down about. Just have to recognize it, let myself divulge in my feelings for a bit, then turn the tables around and keep climbing that mountain. So far, so conquered.
Judging from my experiences, the best way to combat slumps, bad moods, disappointment and sudden changes, are to allow yourself to be human at first, then Hercules that shit and stand on top. No one is strong enough to lift the heaviest weight nor deal with the worst situation. It's cool to be down for a bit. Even Spartan warriors shed tears. The key is, to not let what's going bad keep you from noticing what's good. As I think about my situation, I'm not homeless, dying, hungry, or unloved. I have everything to live for. No reason to feel down. Real men never go down, they just stay up. It's what I live by. As always I leave you with music. Enjoy.
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