May 1st was the deadline most students were given to make their admission deposits to secure their spot in a college/university. Many people were extremely excited to share what university they chose and how they can't wait to be there and others around them rejoiced with equable emotion. For me, that deadline came and passed like any other day. I didn't pick a college. Honestly, I couldn't pick a college. While other people are looking for roommates and are picking classes and going on orientations for their selected schools, I'm doing something that isn't that. And personally, I felt left out. I was looking forward to being able to pick a college and join in on all the fun like everyone else, but I couldn't and for a while it hurt a lot.
Now to answer "Why was I not able to pick a college?". I'll take your through my entire college process. Truthfully, I didn't have an organized college process. I remember my junior year all I heard from my counselors and teachers was to do research on schools and visit schools and ask questions to get a head start on the process. I did the very minimum on each, not going thoroughly in-depth into every school that interested me to get a better glimpse if fit me. When it came down to picking colleges, I feel victim to the "name-brand" generalization. A few of the schools I applied to were top notch universities (Georgetown, Cal-Berkeley, USC, UCLA (just in case I didn't get into USC) and I feel like an absolute goofy for applying to each. I didn't get into any of them. Not only did it not occur to me that those four are extremely hard to get into (Cal-Berkeley and UCLA are two of the hardest public universities to get into for an out-of-state resident). Georgetown and USC are by far my favorite schools and still are. I feel in love with Georgetown through their basketball team, coached by legendary John Thompson, Jr (now coached by his son JTIII). My sister Marquita was a huge basketball fan, especially college basketball. We watched many games together, mostly during tournament time and it was evident early that I feel in love with the Hoyas. From there, I fell in love with everything else about GTown, the culture, academics, history, the fact that they are almost a direct pipeline to the FBI (I always wanted to shoot someone in the butt and just flash my badass badge). Almost the same story with USC. I fell in love with their football team and especially Pete Carroll, the then-time coach who not only brought lots of success to the program but helped out young black men in the South Central LA district and I admired that. As I look deep into my heart however, I notice that I mostly applied to these schools I had no chance at because they were in far away places I wanted to be in (California and Washington, D.C.) and I wanted to see if one school would take a chance on a struggling, upcoming, young, black male from Englewood (aka affirmative action GASPS). Yeah yeah yeah. Label me ignorant, opportunistic, and silly but I would not have cared for your opinion of what you thought was right if one of those schools did roll the dice with me and accept me. I know the type of person I am and so do many of you. I know I could make myself worthy of being in a such a position. But back to reality, the cards didn't shake out that way.
With every other school I applied to, I believe University of Illinois-Champaign-Urbana was the only school I wanted to go to and even then, my mother wanted me to apply their because my sister lives in Urbana and is getting her Ph.D. once she finishes and defends her thesis in months to come. I've been on the campus numerous times, almost like I live there since I visit my sister often. Even then, I applied to their business school because that's what I want to major in and UIUC has a good business program. My mistake here was "good" wasn't the right word to describe it. It was "phenomenal". Little do people know UofI has the 14th best Business school in the entire nation according to one poll, better than most Ivy League schools. I didn't know that and I was shot down into a school I know I easily could've gotten into had I not applied to the business program. This was huge because UIUC was my fallback school. I made the mistake of not applying to any school in Chicago because I didn't want to be so close to home. What about the remaining schools you guys ask? Well, I only applied to schools that were offering merit-scholarships and free application fees. My family was going through a little financial trouble and another significant event (I'll let you guys know about it in a blog during the last week of school). I didn't want to pile up a bunch of fees on my mother and older siblings, so I just made it easy and applied to a lot of schools that waived application fees. All of those schools accepted me. All gave me scholarships as well. As successful as that sounds, it was just as heartbreaking. I'll take you down the list.
Drexel-$32,000 in scholarships and grants ($65,000 in tuition+room and board)
Howard-$10,000 in scholarships and grants ($45,000 in tuition not including room and board)
Butler-$25,000 in scholarships and grants ($49,000 in tuition not including room and board)
Dayton-$27,000 in scholarships and grants ($46,000 in tuition not including room and board)
Xavier-$30,000 in scholarships and grants ($44,000 in tuition not including room and board)
Indiana U-accepted me but did not notify me of financial reward online or through mail so they get the double middle fingers
So, on average, I was gonna be $100,000 in debt by the time I finished a 4-year degree in college not accounting if I wanted to pursue graduate school. I understand that very few people leave college without any debt but without being assured a job once I completed school and considering I didn't feel strong about any of those schools, it would be foolish of me to take on that much debt and possibly be unhappy.
Now you ask "Why didn't you apply for any scholarships?" Your better off making a judgement for yourself than asking me because I don't know. I messed up their. Had I been proactive in this department, a lot of the debt I was recently worried about could've dwindled significantly. I've been dealing with a lot this year, from family issues to personal issues to not tweaking in school so I can graduate. Applying for scholarships just didn't enter my mind. That's not an excuse though. Regardless of what I was going through, I should have been applying for every scholarship I qualified for. Shit is real out here.
April 30th and May 1st were probably the two of the three most stressful days of 2013 for me. Surrounded by so much instability and uncertainty, other than having to go to school those days, you were sure to find me sitting on the couch with a disappointed face. I've spoken to many on the topic, most telling me to do what's best for me which doesn't help any because I don't know what to do. Then there are the people who want me to go off and disregard the debt and get a new surrounding. Then you have those headed by my mom who wants me to stay home and go to community college.
The fact that things have gotten to the point where community college and staying at home was my best option hit me hard. I know I didn't mess up in school to where I had to and I know I worked way too hard to where that was the best I could do. To be honest, my view of community college wasn't positive, I stereotyped the people that went there unfairly. It's just, how could I tell people I'm going to community college when there are people going to Ivy Leagues, Howard, Northwestern, UIUC, NYU, USC and etc. I ran into my ex-girlfriend one day (who got into UofChicago, Yale, Brown, Princeton UPenn and Harvard) and asked her what school she's going to. She told me Brown, an Ivy League school. Before she could ask me where I was going, I got the hell out of dodge. I instantly felt below her. How could I show my face? How could I have any credibility? While other people are going away and getting the full college experience, I'll basically be in the same spot.
What disappoints me the most is that I won't be getting away like I hoped. Right now, things are crazy in Chicago. There violence is spiraling and it is claiming the lives of many youth, most recently 19 year old Kevin Ambrose (RIP). Negative thoughts filled my brain, such as if I will ever see success, will I be a failure, did I disappoint my family, will I make it to 21. I also thought about how my mother is moving to Urbana, Illinois and wants me to join her. Even after all I said about Chicago's violence, crime and Englewood's poverty and destruction, this is my home. I would not have wanted to grow up any other way than how I did. I grew up humbly and in a dangerous environment, but I cherish every experience that I have and lesson I learned while living the way I have. In retrospect, it wasn't even too bad. The problem now is not having my mother see me in mahogany. Of course, the move from Chicago will stop that from happening, but it will also take me from Chicago. Chicago is still very much a beautiful and entertaining place and I'm just not ready to leave, even with my life on the line. I have no say in when I die and I've been through experiences that make me not afraid to come across it. If I gotta die, so be it, but I won't die afraid. Not in my city, not in my home.
After much meditation, lone walks, thought, talk with friends and family, and lots of pick-up basketball, I find myself in a much better state than a week ago. I feel much more relaxed, healthy mindset, the one I was in before things piled up on me. I've accepted things I couldn't change and things look more clearer. I have decided to go to community college and I won't be ashamed of it. It's extremely cheap, I'll still be doing something with myself and if I grind like I plan to, I should be in the college of my choice in two years with an Associate's degree in my possession. I spent so much time judging myself compared to others that it was getting me down. I have to realize that I can still go where I want and be what I want, I'm just taking an alternate route. Sucks I'm not super athletic or have musical talent because I guarantee you you'd see me doing that as opposed to still being in school. But that's not how it is. Going to school is my way to the top. That's how I'll be on the top floor of a building in a suit with a glass of Hennessy and a cigar looking out into the city. I just have to stay focused and never get discouraged. I know in time, I'll get there.
Now for you underclassmen here's a guide to not be put in the same situation as me
1. Keep good grades.
Don't tweak. Turn in those projects. Do homework. Actually READ books. Be prepared. Don't foop on tests. I can't be any more clear. And it's not that hard, trust me, I been through it.
2. Research!
Obviously my biggest mistake of the college process. Before deciding on a school to apply to, research it. Analyze (Ode to Ms. Graf how I miss you so!) Look at whether it is public or private. How many students go there? What majors does it offer? What city/state is it in? Do research on that city/state. Is it safe? Is it an affordable place to live once you finish school? The economics? Job? Is it diverse? Hit up students who go there on social media sites to see how they like it and an insider to how classes are instructed, what is expected and the culture around the university/college. Know what you are getting into.
3. Visit schools
I didn't have the luxury of visiting a lot of schools but I wish I had. On days off, free weekends or during seasonal breaks, go on college visits. No better way to get an answer than from the source. Get a glimpse of the environment, sit in a class, talk to students and graduates up close. Take in the scenery. Get first-hand experience. Look at the dorms. Does it look feel like a place you wanna spend four years at?
4. Visit you counselors often
I visited my counselor Ms. Welstein almost twice a week. She answered my every question, helped me out when I was lost, let me in on scholarship opportunities and seminars on FAFSA, college visits, whatever. She was extremely helpful to me during my college process and I'm sure others feel the same about their counselors. They are there for a reason.
5. Adhere to deadlines
If a college gives you a Nov 1st or January 15th deadline, make sure your app is done by then. I know it is easy to get lackadaisical and procrastinate because you think you have ample time to complete it. But just like that English paper or Biology project you forgot about, it's due and you gotta get it done. Word of advice, have your app done weeks in advance, with transcripts and ACT/SAT scores sent in advance so there is no worry. You don't want to miss out on a school because you ran out of time.
6. Apply to scholarships
Everyone could use a little money, even if you have enough already. More doesn't hurt. Not many people get full rides to college and if you are one of the lucky few who do/did, congratulations. To everyone else, start looking for ways to pay for college. Want to know what's better than spending YOUR money? Spending other people's money of course. Take advantage of every opportunity out there for you to be as less financially stressed as you can possibly be while you attend college and get closer to your career.
7. Don't be anxious
While you are waiting for admittance letters, remember you still have other things to do like live. So you can take your hand out the mailbox and go ride a bike or something.
8. Admittance/Rejection
Probably one of the most rewarding or disappointing moments of the college process: finding out whether you got in your dream school or not. I'll let you in on something. Usually, if you got into a school, you'll get a packet with your letter of admittance, financial info, booklet, deposit statement etc. If you just get a flimsy letter, be ready to toss it. In the case of rejection, remember, that's just one school, and no matter how you felt about it, you will have other options. Chill.
9. Weigh everything out
Once you have your acceptances, weigh your options. Rank them. Make a Microsoft Excel Spreadsheet with tuition costs and scholarships broken down to a science to get a better visual. Which do you feel the strongest about? Which do your parents feel safer about you attending. Which is cheaper? Unfortunately, the latter is usually the determiner. But I believe in making the right choice for yourself. If you don't mind a little debt and you're confident your career will help you pay it off, shoot.
10. Make your decision and be proud
If you are going to your dream school, rejoice. If you aren't but you're still going to a school, still rejoice. Don't feel bad because someone is going to Harvard and you're going to IIT. Them going to Harvard doesn't guarantee them a more successful career, a better job (or an assured one at that), a better looking spouse, nothing. Wherever someone starts doesn't necessarily mean they will stay there either. Worry about yourself and be proud. You've made it a long way and it's going to pay off soon. Keep chuggin' along.
11. TURNAHHHHHHHH!
Welp, I've gotten all I've got to say out. I now leave you with a couple songs from my homies Terry Johnson (UIC man), Jakori and Alex Smith and Flwaless. Enjoy and thank you.
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